A GRIEVING mother was told to “just crack on” with work by her boss, a day after the death of former partner and father of her child.

Emma Tomes, 42 and from Bournemouth, has dubbed herself a “mum on a mission” to highlight empathy and compassion by employers when staff are hit by loss of loved ones.

Emma’s former partner and dad to her then 12-year-old son died by suicide, aged 31, in 2010.

She was called to Poole Hospital where he was taken before he died.

Emma’s then manager told her to take that day as holiday but to “just crack on” and come to work the following day.

“It’s all a blur but I do remember being badly affected by my manager’s words,” said Emma.

“In the midst of such enormous trauma, I was left reeling at how anyone could be so insensitive.

“They could have shown so much more care.”

She added she went to work the next day, as requested, because she was afraid of losing her job.

“Later, at work I was also told I had too much emotional baggage and that I should just go get some resilience – this was when my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and my mother-in-law diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

“Sadly, I know my experience isn’t that rare, even all these years later.”

Emma said she is now on a mission to support companies and organisations to not only “find the right words” for employees suffering with grief but how to “genuinely be there for people”.

“We all know that employees who feel supported and valued are more satisfied and productive at work and there is no more urgent time to be there for them than when they are grieving.”

Following her experience, Emma took voluntary redundancy from her job as a learning and development consultant to retrain as a coach to help people with emotional health difficulties.

Four years on, she is now leading a team of other freelance trainers, coaches, and counsellors as The Mental Health People.

“We need managers to embrace compassion and support in a way that means their colleagues don’t have to suffer even more when they are already coping in what can already be extreme circumstances, we need the founders and directors to invest in their workforce and we need greater understanding of how debilitating grief can be.”

Ahead of Mental Health Awareness Week, which starts on May 13, Emma has shared the following tips:

1. Step away from the keyboard and switch off that smartphone: Find a healthy balance with technology. Set boundaries around screen time, especially social media, and use apps that promote relaxation and mental clarity, like meditation or gratitude journals.

2. Unleash your crafty imagination Explore art therapy as a means of self-expression. Engage in painting, sketching, or collage-making to process emotions and rediscover creative passions.

3. Tantalise your taste buds: Experiment with cooking or baking new dishes that excite your palate. Use cooking as a form of self-care and enjoy the therapeutic benefits of preparing nutritious meals.

4. Step into new friendships: Foster connections with like-minded people through virtual meetups or local community groups. Share experiences, support each other, and build meaningful relationships.

5. Find time to reflect through journaling: Dedicate time to journaling as a tool for self-reflection. Write about your thoughts, feelings, and aspirations to gain clarity and cultivate self-awareness.

6. Delve into podcasts: Listen to podcasts that cover topics like health, self-care, and personal growth. Engaging with empowering content can uplift your spirits and inspire positive change.

7. Go outdoors: Plan outdoor activities such as hiking, biking, or gardening. Spending time in nature has profound benefits for mental health, promoting relaxation and reducing stress.

8. Laugh your socks off: Embrace laughter therapy through comedy shows, funny movies, or laughter yoga. Laughter is a natural mood lifter and can strengthen emotional resilience. Will Ferrell, Sarah Millican, and the much-missed Robin Williams can be your new best friends.